As we all trudge our way through what was supposed to be a normal holiday - the Omicron variant had other plans. Here are a few humorous anecdotes to make your day a little lighter.
I was planning to unplug for the holidays, but now I am not so sure. My company sent a lovely gift box to my house with cheese, chocolates, a scented candle and….wait for it…..a phone charger. But it’s okay. I am going to use it to power my Bluetooth meat thermometer.
We are celebrating Hanukkah this week. After our guests have gone each evening, we sit down to watch a Harry Potter movie. Eight days of latkes, eight movies - perfect. I got so immersed in Hogwarts culture that I changed my text alert on my phone. It was fine until yesterday. I was on the phone with a client when I got a text message from my son, and all anyone on the call could hear was the booming voice of Albus Dumbledore yelling "Arresto Momentum"!
Black Friday Tip - if you are doing some online shopping today, don't forget to close all your shopping windows before meetings. I just screen-shared my Amazon list instead of my Q1 slides, and now my boss thinks I spend my days looking at power tools.
I was in a team meeting on Zoom this morning when I heard a kerfuffle in the hallway. I stepped away quickly and realized one of my dogs was on top of the other. I yelled pretty loudly, "WE DON'T HUMP OUR BROTHERS IN THIS HOUSE". The dogs returned to the living room sheepishly. When I got back to my screen, my team was not even trying to hide their laughter. No one even bothered to ask what was happening. They just carried on. Maybe I should go back to the office after all.....
It's Friday, and I have a client lunch....outside my house.....in a restaurant.....I was so excited until I took off my headset and realized that I had "headphone hair"! Aaacckk!
I was clearing away the lunch dishes, and as I bent down to pick up a pile of plates, I let out some rather indelicate sounds. It must have been the Mexican food we had delivered. As I headed up the steps to the kitchen, a few more sounds escaped my body. I got to the kitchen, and my husband just stared at me. “What?” I said. He looked at me, shaking his head and said, “ You know, you can’t fart in your office. It’s open concept, and you don’t have a door. What are you going to do about that?” I wrote a note to my director this morning telling him I won’t be back anytime soon. I also registered for “Exercises for Gas Relief” on Apple Fitness. Wish me luck.
My husband purchased a world map and a pack of darts on the weekend. He put the map up in the kitchen. "What's that for?" I asked. He gave me a dart and said, “Throw this and wherever it lands—that’s where we are going when the pandemic ends.” Turns out, we’re spending two weeks behind the fridge.
I have come to a difficult decision......no more everything bagels for breakfast. I had to turn off my camera in my first meeting this morning to excavate a sesame seed from my back molar and a poppyseed from my left incisor. Sad days ahead.......
Yesterday was a busy day.....and I forgot to add buffer breaks in my calendar. My bladder still has not forgiven me. I think I saw jokes about special Zoom edition Depends. I get it now.
My partner and I were in a discussion last night, and things were getting a bit heated. I thought we were on the way to a resolution when he suddenly stopped and informed me that I needed to put any further questions in the chatbox.
That's when I knew I was in trouble....
Does anyone have a link to a Bingo app that integrates with Zoom? It would be great to yell out "B12" and "I27" while we wait for everyone to join the call.
If my company goes for the ”hybrid” back to the office model, can I go for a “hybrid” wardrobe as well? I don’t want all these fine yoga pants and slippers to go to waste…..
I don't want to seem like a princess, but I pulled a lower back muscle trying to give myself a pedicure.....any suggestions?
After 15 months of working from home, I decided it was time to spruce up the home office. I got a couch from Ikea, thinking a couch would not require any assembly. I could unpack it, throw on the cushions and be good to go. Not true. Two hours later, I had a piece of furniture that slightly resembled a couch and a plastic pail full of leftover parts.
My husband came in and looked at it and then me and said, "what the heck is that?".
"That," I said, "is a CUSTOM Ikea couch. Don't you just love it?!?"
There is a downside to a long weekend. By Wednesday, my spouse and I will undoubtedly argue about what day it is. Pretty good bet that we will both be wrong.
Last Friday was super stressful. I had to leave the house. TWICE. I had to plan for travel time, a fully charged phone and pants. Not just any pants but matching pants. I thought I was good to go until I looked down and realized I was wearing crocs. Gulp. It's drive-throughs from now on.......