As I prepare for one of my Saturday “Just for Dads” parenting workshops, I find myself deeply reflective of the great fortune I have had to learn about the perspectives of fathers from the most knowledgeable experts of all………the fathers themselves. I am infinitely thankful to the many fathers that I have had the great fortune to work with over the past several years. These men, who have been so willing and forthcoming in sharing their experiences, triumphs, fears and insights, have allowed me to view them and their roles in their families, through a different and admittedly less tainted lens. I assure you, I have learned far more from them, than they from me. I have been given such an abundance of gifts through my work with fathers; greater understanding, deepened compassion and empathy, and the privilege of being witness to magnificent displays of reflection and vulnerability to name just a few. For these, gentlemen, I am forever grateful.
I love working with fathers. Our society does not always give permission to men to discuss matters of the heart openly, and parenting is one of the deepest matters of the heart we will ever experience. I continue to be blown away by the depth of the conversations and the commitment and passion with which men approach their parenting role. I am on a mission now, to share this news with others. They need to know what I know about men and fathering! Here is just a taste of what I have learned.
FATHERS……
- Take their role very seriously and want to be involved and good fathers.
- Think deeply about what kind of father they want to be.
- Love to be active with their children.
- Need positive feedback about what they are doing well.
- Need moms to stop “gatekeeping” and allow relationships to grow in a spontaneous and natural way.
- Parent differently from moms and that is ok. Children gain so much when fathers are able to parent their way.
- Have a significant and positive influence on the successful outcomes of their children. There is great research to back this up….have a look. http://www.fira.ca/cms/documents/29/Effects_of_Father_Involvement.pdf
- Can do it! Men are competent and capable of loving, nurturing and caring for children.