“Feeling bad doesn’t create opportunity for learning; it creates opportunity for feeling…bad. Children do learn when they are given a chance to feel capable, loved and accepted.” Ariadne Brill/ Positive Parenting Connection
I am often asked what discipline is and how parents can be sure they are using positive discipline that is appropriate with their children. While there is no one “right” answer to this question, here are some things to consider:
Positive Discipline Does:
• Keep the parent/child relationship strong, attached and a priority
• Contribute to a child’s positive sense of self
• Respond to the child’s needs in the moment
• Teach skills (over time)
• Give a child responsibility for their actions
• Give a child choices
• Clearly define limits and consequences
• Fit a child’s stage of development, individual personality and needs
• Respect both children and parents
• Take more time (short term pain=long term gain)
• Model patience, tolerance and acceptance
Positive Discipline Does Not:
• Use shame, guilt or manipulation to gain compliance
• Hurt a child physically or emotionally
• Expect immediate and/or blind compliance
• Cause undue stress and anxiety in adults or children
• Exploit a child’s vulnerabilities and basic needs
Children who are parented with a positive discipline mindset are more likely to grow up to be adults that feel good about themselves, learn from their experiences, take responsibility, understand why rules exist, and can predict and evaluated consequences. What more could you ask for as a parent?