I grew up in Oakville. We moved there when I was two. My father was born there and lived most of his life there. My parents still call Oakville home and have lived in the same house for 23 years.
I have many fond memories growing up in Oakville – playing softball with the OGSA, taking swimming lessons at Brookdale Pool, playing in the park near my parent's house year-round, playing hide and seek or capture the flag in the woods near our house, tobogganing and skating on the 14-Mile Creek, so many fond memories of my childhood.
I also grew up Catholic. I attended St. Joseph's Elementary and St. Thomas Aquinas Secondary School. I went to mass nearly every Sunday at St. James Parish with my family, where I had my First Communion and my Confirmation. I was also an Altar Server for a number of years.
However, during this time as a student, the memories are not as nice. The bullying started in Grade 5. I was not very thin, and I was taller than all my classmates. I had buck teeth and glasses. Kids can be very mean. I cried all the time. Every night when I was alone in my room in the dark, I sobbed. It was a very lonely time.
When I went to St. Thomas Aquinas, it only went downhill. Kids are bad, but teenagers are worse. The name-calling was horrible. I wasn't the most feminine girl; I was more comfortable in pants. I was labelled by a lot of students as a lesbian. Along with that came many other derogatory terms; I will let you use your imagination here.
But I didn't tell anyone. Not my parents, my siblings, my teachers, my few friends, no one. I had started having feelings for other girls early on in my teenage years, but I was too afraid of what would happen if I told anyone. I told myself these crushes were wrong. I pushed the feelings down. I told myself it was a sin, that I would go to hell. I was in a constant battle with my feelings. I had a very hard time dealing with it.
On numerous occasions, I would be crying either in my room in the dark, in the shower, or in the bathroom at school, and I would question whether life was worth living anymore. "Why bother?!" I would ask myself repeatedly. My faith would bring the fact that suicide is wrong, and I would go to hell anyway. I had to hope that things would get better. They did eventually, but only after I graduated and left the Catholic school system behind.
I didn’t come out until my third year of university. At that point, I was surrounded by loving and welcoming people who didn't care which gender I was attracted to. It was such a freeing experience. It was late but better than not at all. I am now happily married to a wonderful woman. We are celebrating our third wedding anniversary this week.
Life turned around for me, yes, but it scares me and makes my heart hurt for the many others that are growing up within Catholic boards like Halton who have said no to the Pride Flag. It feels as if they are telling our community that we are wrong.
If I’d felt at all that 2SLGBTQ+ students were seen, heard, and accepted when I was in high school 20 years ago, I feel my life would have been very different. I would not have been so afraid. I would not have had to hide my true self. I could have talked to my teachers about the bullying and felt safe.
If conversations about different types of attraction and sexuality were happening in school, I would have felt more comfortable questioning, understanding, and accepting what was happening in my head and in my heart. I wonder if maybe the bullying would not have happened at all because students would have been more accepting of their 2SLGBTQ+ peers. It has been so amazing to see so many current parents supporting this cause, and it gives me hope.
The thing is, though, it still isn't happening for these students in Halton Catholic District School Board. I live in Toronto now but followed both HCDSB and TCDSB’s Pride Flag debates closely. When I saw the Pride Flag go up at the Catholic schools here in Toronto, it was bittersweet. I cried because I was happy that these students had a clear message of acceptance and inclusion, that they will have that sense of belonging that I longed for all those years ago.
However, I also cried because I was reminded of all the harsh words said at the HCDSB meeting on the matter. The board I came out of turned their back on me and the 2SLGBTQ+ community within their school system.
I attended the two rallies (May 17th and June 1st) outside the HCDSB Board Office in Burlington. The support by the community members that both attended and drove by honking was amazing. It was almost a euphoric feeling seeing everyone with their flags, shirts, stickers, and signs showing their love and support. Two of the progressive and accepting trustees came to talk to us, waved their flags with us, and showed their support. I am thankful for the efforts of Trustees Brenda Agnew and Nancy Guzzo. We neither heard nor saw anything from the other trustees nor from any other senior HCDSB staff.
June 14th was Pride Awareness Day at the HCDSB. It was wonderful to see the outpouring of support from the different schools, teachers, and students alike. There were so many different demonstrations of support, from artwork to school signage and rainbow decorations within the schools.
On the evening of June 14th, I saw the video that the HCDSB posted by Director of Education Pat Daly calling himself an ally. Seeing all the initiatives taken by the schools did wonders for my heart. It gave me hope for current students. However, Pat Daly's message was a paradox.
The 2SLGBTQ+ community, myself included, made it extremely clear that we wanted to see the Pride Flag flown at all HCDSB Schools in June; there was no questioning that. Mr. Daly had the power to fly the flag at his schools, regardless of the decision made by the Board of Trustees. A real ally would have had the courage to stand up and support the 2SLGBTQ+ community and would have flown the flag to prove it.
Everyone deserves to feel loved and accepted. It is 2021. Times are changing. The Bible reads, "Love thy neighbour." It doesn't add the caveat "unless they are gay."
Fly the Flag.
