It’s crude, it’s shallow, it’s lazy and stupid. And yet somehow, the new wannabe adventure comedy Snatched is supposed to be the choice in theatres to celebrate Mother’s Day. Instead, it’s cinematic catastrophe.
The so-called jokes in this comedic venture are often painful to watch. My personal “favourites” include conversations about getting raped by dogs, drunk partygoers farting on the elderly, and racist vacationers making fun of foreign languages.
In one scene, the hilarious gag is watching a tapeworm be yanked out of someone’s stomach through their mouth. If these examples fit with your kind of humour, I might suggest therapy instead of a night at the movies.
The story follows daughter Emily (Amy Schumer) and mother Linda (Goldie Hawn) who get kidnapped while vacationing in South America following Emily’s latest breakup. What’s billed as a Mother’s Day story about a strong mother and daughter is actually a sloppy, cheap display of unfunny violence and vulgarity.
Despite the exotic locales of Ecuador and Columbia, there’s nothing adventurous or action packed in the movie. There’s definitely nothing funny (though I’ll confess to laughing twice at simple one-liners.) And because everything is so cheap and lazy, there’s nothing interesting to watch,
But worst of all, nothing is even remotely realistic. The lines, plot, and even some cinematography and effects are nauseatingly fake. Two CGI scenes (featuring a vine swing and a cable car) are so obviously green screened it hurts. Similarly, neither are these characters on screen or their circumstances believable.
Amy Schumer's lead character is the trashiest, least sympathetic, entitled slob you’ve ever had the misfortune of knowing. All of Schumer’s usual charm and intelligence from her stand-up act and TV show Inside Amy Schumer are missing.
Her character, Emily, occupies almost the entire movie complaining about her white privilege, taking Instagram photos every five seconds and guilt-tripping her mother into stupid, reckless behaviour. She also murders three people with no reservation or impact while on the run. She even boasts about it. In short? She’s a shallow, socially desperate psychopath.
In the same regard, the story’s circumstances are so outlandish and impossible it’s insulting. How are seniors parkour jumping from buildings? Or escaping multiple kidnappings and outsmarting criminal masterminds? How about the US army squad that shows up out of nowhere after everyone’s found safe?
The film’s advertisements give away the best material. But half of what’s shown in the trailers isn’t even in the movie. Some scenes are knockoffs, and some jokes (including the actually funny banter) was cut from the final movie.
Most people at the screening I attended weren’t laughing, and one mother and daughter seated near me actually left halfway through. The only ones in the theatre laughing were some women over the age of 50. Maybe there’s a style of humour I’m missing here you might enjoy. It’s equally possible they were sadists, or never been to the movies in their lives.
Snatched, for most audiences, is not entertaining. It’s not important, it’s not emotionally satisfying, it’s not well produced and it’s not even easy to watch. Despite a few exciting, lush locations and two simple jokes, there is almost nothing redeeming in this film. And it’s certainly the worst way to celebrate Mother’s Day, especially with so many better movies now playing.
If you love your mother, make her dinner. Buy her a book. Or rent a movie in for the night. You don’t need to watch a “gag” of a man getting smashed in the head with a shovel and spilling his brains to show Mom how much she means to you.
Snatched
0 out of 4 stars.
14A, 91 minutes. Adventure Comedy.
Directed by Jonathan Levine.
Starring Amy Schumer and Goldie Hawn.
Now Playing at Film.Ca Cinemas, Cineplex Winston Churchill and Cineplex Oakville & VIP.
